This is how I got to know me, from the outside in.
From the very start, I knew that my heart would play an important role in my life. That love would be the end all, the solution and the problem. That life was short and I could waste no time accomplishing the one goal I’ve always set out to achieve, to live. Plagued with the curse to remember everything, I never thought that my greatest weakness would be my greatest strength. I have spent a lifetime reflecting upon the pond that is the surface of my true self. Have spent countless hours attempting to find out what makes the world tick for I felt that if I could possibly figure that out, I’d figure myself out. That I’d find my calling, my purpose and my reason for being.
Some people have lived their lives introverted, determining their Inner Self by the world that surrounds them. They have become slaves to the very ideal that we all wish to avoid, becoming the world instead of being themselves. Confirmation of self through conformation of others, losing themselves in a generic Reality. Through my travels, my happiness and pains I have tried that lifestyle but the more I attempted to mold myself to the world around the fluidity of my soul became frozen, stuck. Entrenched and embattled in the endless war that is life, I found myself reclusive and hidden from the fact that the world I live in is no more than I wish it to be.
Belief that I could hide from my problems, I dug myself deeper into the pits of sorrow seeing a never ending cycle of happiness and pain. The dream of an existence filled with pure happiness and honest love seemed to be slipping away quicker and quicker. I found myself becoming more negative as the light of positive faded, the cloud of discontent felt unbearable. Then I met the person who would forever change my vision of the world, the vision of myself.
This person is my soulmate.
At first, I wondered why this person was in my life and how it could be that I’d meet someone so great. A question that haunted me until the day the answer suddenly fell onto my lap. It was the day I could no longer tell them my heart. It was the beginning of my life. As I stood in the middle of a sea of tears, I realized that I had the chance to say everything, I spoke with my heart and conversed from my soul. Then, a break in the clouds and a sense of self reborn.
Soulmate doesn’t mean together, it just means they were meant to be the light needed to find yourself in the dark.
Often, we stare at the reflection of ourselves in the Pond of our Soul becoming lost. Afraid to touch the image because we do not want to disturb the image that we see, we lose sight of what lay beneath the surface. It seems that the ripples of our actions distort the picture of a life we believe we see, forgetting that it will be those ripples that allow us to appreciate the Pond. If we touch the Me we see inside the pond and the image changes when the ripples are no more, then we are reminded that the world we see is determined by Me, not by leaving it alone. If the surface returns to a calm state and the image is exactly as it were before, then the Me I am is loved even more.
My world is what I see, if it were left undisturbed I would never appreciate what could be.