Definitely, Maybe – The Stigma of Being Myself

I, for one, am sick of being the “Maybe”.

Now, let’s not get confused about what this is truly about.  It’s about Me.  Always has been.  Being pulled into different directions every time you meet a person.  It’s like Russian Roulette with who you are.  There is always the core you, the foundation of who you truly are.  It’s the one that you revert to while in a pickle or a serious situation.  There is the you that is your outer shell, the visible persona that you show everyone else because who are we kidding, life is about perceptions (or so I’m told).  Then there is the you who shows up when you’re with another person, a person who means more to you than you either care to admit to or you’ve admitted to.  What a weird and fine line to walk and it’s done on a daily basis.

The Stigma – I have tried to be many people and most of the time, I have failed to be myself.  I find myself trying extremely hard to be that person of the moment, the one who molds themselves to the situation or person.  The much more real persona is when I do it for the person, it’s more genuine because situations can be fake but people are not.  I mean this in the most literal since possible.

Definitely, Maybe – It is very difficult to be ones self when worried about outside judgements or perspectives.  For the most part, it guides us through the “Corporate Politics of Life”.  A dance and not one we are all gifted at.  From past writings, one may be able to deduce that I am often bothered by the unspoken intricacies of trying to find another to share myself with.  I use the phrase “Share Myself” because even though I’m giving them me, I am still maintaining Me.  As the first sentence of this writing started, I’m tired of being the “Maybe”.  You know, the one someone tags as a maybe simply because they aren’t sure if the person they are seeing is the person they’ll end up with.

I have wrestled with this concept for quite awhile and honestly the entire idea is silly to me.  In response to being in the “Maybe” situation, I have often became Me and just been completely honest.  I am this person, I do see life as this and would love to make it more.  I don’t believe in this but if you would like to find out, you’ll see that what I see is what you’ll get.  Imagine that, being treated the way someone who cares about you immensely feels the way you should be treated.  For the most part, shocked and disbelief is the usual response (although I am pleasantly surprised from time to time).  As some may know, it tends to end abruptly.  It’s too much followed up with the natural questions of “How could he” completing the sentence with various words including but not limited to: Be, Think, Feel, Honestly and the rest of their concern.

Myself – There should never be a stigma of being oneself.  Over a period of time I came to realize that although the results of being Me aren’t always the way I’d like to be, often I am satisfied.  Most ask for us, almost demand, that we be who we truly are.  They feel that it’s the best way to get to know us, yet are often disappointed because we either weren’t who they were expecting or they simply don’t have the patience to find out.  I’ve concluded that being Me weeds out the impatient and the ones who are content calling me “Maybe”.  I do so because I feel if you are okay with Me, then the me I will share shall make them realize it was never definitely, maybe…just definitely.



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