Happier Times

I can remember when we met, it was almost as though we were destined to spend the rest of our days in each others company.  How unfortunate that it should end this way, as if nothing ever happened.  I know that things change, that time moves forward and even though we haven’t spoken in quite some time that nothing but love remains.  I cannot begin to express the sorrow that I feel, how such a strong bond could crumble so quickly.

Through the rough waters, the countless time spent day dreaming about what fabulous times may lay ahead and how regardless of situation or circumstance, we always were.  So here I stand ensuring that every last word that needs to be said is, that everything is left in the open in the hopes that it will create a seed for the next instance I attempt to grab a rose with thorns.

Here I go –

There isn’t a moment that passes where you aren’t in my thoughts, memories cycling through like my life is in constant repeat.  I’m not sure how we got here, how a beacon of hope turned into a lighthouse without a bulb.  No matter how much I tried, it always seemed as though nothing was good enough.  The dove never returned.  I could say that it’s possible that in these turbulent times that we unknowingly created a chasm separating our two worlds but the idea of it no longer being one confused me further.

I lay awake most nights thinking about that of which is never spoken about, I can’t.  It’s too painful.  I’ve tried to get away from it all but running only exhausted the possibility of seeing that maybe it’s the best for both of us.  Attempting to fathom this new world without you in it is still an idea that I find unbearable so instead I constantly grab at the darkness hoping to pull in a glimmer of hope.  Hoping.  Wishing.

I’m screaming but alas I know that in order to grant my wish of peace that I must shed a tear and constantly remind myself that happier times are ahead.  To remember the multitude of memories that we’ve created over the years has allowed me to appreciate all that I have in front of me now.  That I am never standing alone because I firmly believe that the truth we shared is still so.  For better or worse, I continue to smile.

As I move forward, I will continue to look back because that’s how I will forever show what you mean to me even if you aren’t here to share the glance.

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