As most of you know, beginning earlier this week I started sending out personalized messages to every one of my absolutely fantastic friends. I am not sure what spurred this decision but had realized very shortly that it was a sort of experiment. For most of you who know me well enough to call me friend, you know that I have always done things to test the boundaries, walk the line as you will. I have the tendency to do things simply so that I may see what sort of response I may get. A perfect example of this is when I lived in Phoenix, AZ and drove through the Drive-Thru backwards and had my friend pay and get the food as he climbed back into the truck and shut it. Sounds ridiculous but from that point on, every time the lady saw us she smiled a huge, fantastic smile and gave us nothing but the best service. Random? Definitely, but meaningless? Never.
This world has it’s dark places and negative fueled events surround us in our lives. For years I have spoken about love, being open and honest, seizing every moment, but most of all it was that communication is the key to unlocking a part of Me that enables all of us to feel not just known, but absolutely loved. This is something that I have felt with all of my friends and because of so, felt the desire to test out my mantra. I told every person how I saw them, felt about them and generally what I think about them and I must say that it was rather liberating. For most, it was no secret. I love my friends and family, period. Yet rarely do I ever truly share my inner thoughts for they usually get my surface feelings (the downside of having a very coarse mental filter). It was a lesson that I will remember to repeat.
I asked for no response, but not too shockingly I still got responses. Whether you all know it or not, you are very sweet and I can do nothing more than thank you all eternally for all of the love…it’s definitely been received. A good few of you have heard most of it before, usually during some sort of drunken emo moment where I found it hard to contain because I was happy. Through this I have found that when I am happy with life, I have the desire to share it with those that are around. Upbeat and excited, I share. Far and few between do we ever spit out exactly what’s on our mind, something we lose as we grow from children to young adults. The days when we just spoke our mind and generally whatever came out was the most honest of feelings or opinions. I have always admired two groups of people, children and old folks, for their knowledge of life and the importance on happiness that is set. The meaning of life is simple to them, to live. What is meaning without substance? What is life without Love? What is Love without anyone to share it with? We are given the ability to speak, write and create masterpieces of art yet on a daily basis we fail to acknowledge what we feel everyone else knows, we love the people around us.
From this I learned a very important lesson, people need to know. I, am lucky, well…cursed depending on how you view it. I am constantly thinking, delving deeper into my psyche to get to know both myself and the world better. Paying attention to the little things because I know that it’s those little things that matter. Creeping people out that I pay attention as much as I do even though it appears I’m aloof, just classic goofy ass Shawn. I do see, but alas I finally needed to share it. Even for me there are times when I need to unload some of the weight that I carry, the burdensome gift of wanting to figure everything out. Alas, a Welcome Change.
It will be awhile until I will send a message of it’s kind again but if you catch me under the right moonlight (drunk) then I most definitely will say it again. The underlying message of all of the messages was that I appreciate everyone in my life. I remember where we’ve been and the things we’ve done, the moments and memories that we’ve all created. That it’s those memories that carry me when I’m not around and it’s your presence that shines a light on a life that admittedly becomes dim from time to time. I do not live in the what-if but I certainly have planned for it, now I get to live.
To all of those who read this, thank you again. If anyone ever needs to talk, I’m always around.
Shawn Robert Lee