I have spent an inordinate amount of time in my life trying to figure things out. I analyze a situation and try to pick everything out of it, the good and the bad. I believe that doing so, that I will be able to apply what I’ve learned to my daily life. I am not living vicariously through others, that’s cheating myself of the experience and lessons from success and failures. The last part is incredibly important, I do not compare notes, people or experiences because it is not fair to all people, but mostly myself.
If I spent time concerned with what others were doing, I would not see how I could improve myself. If I was constantly focused on others, I would then be living vicariously. I do not. This is not to say that their perspective is lost to me, in fact I am throughly aware of it, but it will no longer dictate my actions and while considered, ultimately I will choose to not be phased by it. I am jealous of things that people experience, but I am never jealous of the person. I trust, to a fault most likely, but I trust. I may not like certain situations, but it is never going to stop how I feel, and certainly will not even get close to tarnishing what has been created.
Hello, I am Weird and this is what sets me apart.
I have spent a lot of time thinking about Me. Who I am and what kind of person I want to be. So let me answer that, as I see it now. I am odd, intentionally different and purposefully calculated. I am thoughtful, trusting and constantly trying to find ways to improve. I believe innovation and greatness comes from setting yourself apart, not from polishing what has already been done. I am not afraid of dying, I am afraid of not living. I am not afraid of losing, I am afraid of not loving fully and unconditionally. I love being different and relish in this fact.
The kind of person I want to be is one that is never happy with being as I am, that I will be constantly and mindfully improving. The person who can mostly stay above board and is alright with being in the shadows from time to time. I want to be available and caring for everyone, both because I want to and because I’ve got the energy to do so. To be able to have everyone know how I see them. To be impertinent, yet understanding. To never have to forfeit being myself. To live selfishly, selflessly.
I had my eyes checked just in case, and the fog has began to lift. I will not say should have because I will have done. I will continue to not regret because it is never a mistake to reach for something great, even if you don’t succeed.
I will not, but I do. I cannot, but I must. My need was what I wanted, the universe just wasn’t ready. But I am.