Hello, I’m Weird.

I have spent an inordinate amount of time in my life trying to figure things out.  I analyze a situation and try to pick everything out of it, the good and the bad.  I believe that doing so, that I will be able to apply what I’ve learned to my daily life. I am not living vicariously through others, that’s cheating myself of the experience and lessons from success and failures.  The last part is incredibly important, I do not compare notes, people or experiences because it is not fair to all people, but mostly myself.

If I spent time concerned with what others were doing, I would not see how I could improve myself.  If I was constantly focused on others, I would then be living vicariously.  I do not.  This is not to say that their perspective is lost to me, in fact I am throughly aware of it, but it will no longer dictate my actions and while considered, ultimately I will choose to not be phased by it.  I am jealous of things that people experience, but I am never jealous of the person.  I trust, to a fault most likely, but I trust.  I may not like certain situations, but it is never going to stop how I feel, and certainly will not even get close to tarnishing what has been created.

Hello, I am Weird and this is what sets me apart.

I have spent a lot of time thinking about Me.  Who I am and what kind of person I want to be.  So let me answer that, as I see it now.  I am odd, intentionally different and purposefully calculated.  I am thoughtful, trusting and constantly trying to find ways to improve.  I believe innovation and greatness comes from setting yourself apart, not from polishing what has already been done. I am not afraid of dying, I am afraid of not living.  I am not afraid of losing, I am afraid of not loving fully and unconditionally. I love being different and relish in this fact.

The kind of person I want to be is one that is never happy with being as I am, that I will be constantly and mindfully improving.  The person who can mostly stay above board and is alright with being in the shadows from time to time. I want to be available and caring for everyone, both because I want to and because I’ve got the energy to do so.  To be able to have everyone know how I see them.  To be impertinent, yet understanding. To never have to forfeit being myself.  To live selfishly, selflessly.

I had my eyes checked just in case, and the fog has began to lift.  I will not say should have because I will have done.  I will continue to not regret because it is never a mistake to reach for something great, even if you don’t succeed.

I will not, but I do.  I cannot, but I must. My need was what I wanted, the universe just wasn’t ready.  But I am.


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