For the past 2 weeks, I have avoided writing. It was clear some time ago, through a revelation, that writing was a large part of myself and what had occurred was that it ignited a passion that I had not tapped into for a very long time. I was writing, every day in fact. I began writing to the point that on some days, not only was I doing the Daily Zen seen on my FB and Twitter, but I was churning out multiple posts, some silly and some more on the serious side. In turn, what I found was my voice, not the shrill and beaten voice of the person who screamed at the top of his lungs to be heard, but the voice I had suppressed a few years ago. The one full of life, love, passion and excitement. The voice of just and objective, fairness and chivalry, honor and integrity and all of the silliness to keep a room of 100 talking. I had found myself.
I am purposely lost. I am an explorer.
The experiment that I wanted to do began as I stared at a board that lay above my bed. When this self transformation began, it had my school schedule until my transfer date, which classes I needed to take and an appropriate box for each so that I could fill in the grades. It was the most I’ve ever been organized for the future, and for the state of mind that I was in, it was perfect. It represented the kind of person that I was trying to be, but that’s where the farce began to fall apart. I would stare at the board and wonder if I had created this structure out of necessity or because I truly wanted it. It was never a matter if I COULD do it, it was always did I want to? This is a very important question, one that I thought I knew the answer to but whenever someone would ask me what I’d do with the degree, I could never generate a solid answer. It would always be vague or a hypothetical field of work. I want to build cars, work for a movie or gaming studio…you know…there’s high demand for physics in those industries. What I hadn’t realized was just how empty that board felt, so I erased it all. I began putting up poems, quotes and my Daily Zen, because after all these writings are just as much for me as they are for all of you. I had found my true calling, and it was to write.
Back to the point, the board above my bed served as a remembrance. I began making it a point to write every day, even if I didn’t have anything philosophical or profound to say. If I wanted to be seen in the blogging community, it’s necessary to write in abundance. Very few successful bloggers take breaks, mostly because of the nature of blogging. 2 weeks ago, I erased my Daily Zen and was about to put up a new one when it occurred to me, sometimes…nothing needs to be said. I always have thoughts I’d like to share, moments I reflect on, happiness and sorrow I know that I am not the only one feeling. One thing to note is that generally, I internalize a lot before I put it out for public consumption, but in the course of trying to blog more frequently I was faced with more off the cuff thoughts. Some of which were written with the intention to shock and awe, most were my usual writings. So I wanted to find out: how would I cope with silence? With not writing down my every thought in detail, but merely being content with my thoughts. Admittedly, I did cheat, as I continued to write on my board my own daily zen’s, but what I found was that my creative process forced to compress and condense grand thoughts into shorter, more meaningful pieces.
I am. You are. We will.
When I wrote what you see above, I asked the question of “What do others see?”. How did they interpret what I was writing and why. The response I received was that they believed the author had known specifically what they were saying, an inside statement of sorts. So I broke it down to how I see it. I am _______. You are _______. We will ________. Think adlibs. I did not know exactly what to fill it with and by leaving it in its original form, it could mean an infinite amount of things. It was malleable for any situation and was short and simple enough to be applied at any time, the end result would be as it was originally written. My writings tend to be long, much like this one, but I wanted to challenge myself to be able to say more with less. Fewer opportunities. Less time. Less pressure. Less, for this experiment, was more. The result, was a devoted and passionate creation of my ability to begin to convey my thoughts in person. For years, my mouth has been my hammer, and being not merely a writer, I needed to expand my ability to be an excellent communicator as well. To tone down my explanations because we may not always have unlimited time to say what it is we want to say.
I am faced with a time sensitive situation, where finality may be superficial but it still exists regardless of its relative state. I do not have unlimited time, it’s always been finite on an individual level, and I’d like to have spent it doing instead of talking about it. My experiment was to help me find the words, to create from the moment and to find a more efficient way to explain what cannot be explained.
The Results: It was a success, but will require further work in order to maintain.