So, I was driving along today and as I was skipping along on the freeway, I slowed down to let someone in because they were using their blinker and I figured, hell…nobody uses those things, so I let her in the lane. It suddenly dawned on me, I’m a nice guy, but have never really figured out why. So, I’m here today to explain why to clear up any confusion that some may have.
- I am a nice guy because I like to go against the grain. The world has caught onto the fact that women are attracted to bad boys, so it has adjusted. In being a nice guy, women will now say “Oh, he’s just a craptastic guy like all the rest…oh wait…he’s nice! SHWING!” Add another name to the list of women swayed by chivalry.
- It gives me an explainable reason to spend more time having sex. I am a firm believer that nice guys finish last, so I take my time to make sure no bone is left unturned.
- Because holding the door open for 5 minutes while everyone walks through is great exercise. You want to help? Nope! This isn’t pay it forward, I’ve got it kind sir or madam.
- Being dismissed allows me to practice my ninja skills. Nice people blend in well with their surroundings, making it the perfect cover for a caper.
- Real relationships take time to cultivate, and being a Nice Guy allows me to take my time. Introduction –> Meaningful Conversation –> Friend-zone –> Blank Stares of Possibility –> Drunken Silliness –> (2 years later) Realization that we belong together! Play the long game, now that’s commitment!
- Answering phone calls at 3am is where it’s at. It’s like a mental midnight snack.
- The hugs are always better
- Nobody suspects the butterfly
- It allows me to pretend not to know what a ratchet is.
- Last, but not least: The view from the back is fantastic. Turns out that last place isn’t too shabby, it’s a lot less work to be a nice guy than it is a douche bag.