Friends List

Oh friends list, how you tease me so.  With your green dots and rotating faces, taunting me and questioning why I don’t have the 317 friends others have.  The weight I carry and the burden you create from the incessant reminders that you are not as full or complete as others you are linked to.  It makes me wonder how much you mean to me, and how much I miss the Rolodex of my past, where nobody could tell how many names you held, how many contacts I had.

I hate that I cannot stuff you with business cards to make you look fuller, or keep the sample friends like Tom to populate my virtual world.  You are my addiction and the withdrawal has me sweating to know more people.  This virtual list is my reality, my connections to the outside world, my way of keeping tabs on from afar.  They were online 13 minutes ago, but haven’t responded to my funny cat video, have they taken me off their list?  Oh the anxiety! To be removed from friendship, it’s a fate worse than not having my name on the guest list.

Have I been reduced to general acquaintance, paying full cover for access to a conversation with my small selection of listed friends?

Did you not receive my invite? Did you ignore or dismiss? This network is the electrical pathways of my life, why won’t you accept me?!  Oh friends list, you fickle temptress of small talk and meaningful isolation.  How I love you.


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