On Love: My Time in Love

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It is far and few between that I am in the enrapturing and mindless craziness that love is, and I admit that it’s equally my fault for this outcome.  It’s equally rare that a person is willing to not just admit that, but take responsibility for the [at times] troubling outcome of the actions made. Now, in no way am I saying I could have done anything better, as that is a hindsight statement, and since most things regarding love hardly ever happen with a ton of thought, the best perspective one can take is what the next step will involve and not what didn’t work out with the particular outcome one personally desires. It’s easy to become cynical, to fall into the hedonistic and ego-centric depths that inevitably follow a breakup or disappointing date, or to just give up. The irony is that most of these same people are sucked into the melodramatic Hollywood depictions of love – but that’s a discussion for another time – for whatever reason they may have.

I love being in Love. Whatever anyone else’s definition may be, it has always been tough for me to define what exactly it was. Idealistically, I’ve always felt that it wasn’t really anything that could be described specifically, although the characteristics could be (barely), and so for me it was always “something that would always grow, never shrink or disappear, and could not be forgotten but can be ignored.” That fear is the main motivation for its disappearance and that even if it may not feel like it, everyone is loved. I still believe this, but with a spin.

Most speak about love in terms of being “in” or “out” of love, but that could be a powerful misconception because those phrases represent moments and misrepresent the reality of Love. In mathematics, there are tangents. Most of us know what a tangent is, at least in regards to the usage in relation to our daily lives, but just to clarify:

“In geometry, the tangent line (or simply tangent) to a plane curve at a given point is the straight line that “just touches” the curve at that point.” (Wikipedia)

Of particular interest is how it relates to us, specifically to Love. If love is to be a “construct” in which we can enter or leave, I’ll use that structure/concept.

What is On Love and how does it differ from in?

What tends to differ is that being On Love doesn’t often feel like love. Like Brick from Anchorman (Link), there’s often a misunderstanding of what Love means to an individual and that is rarely ever acknowledged, let alone understood. What further complicates the issue is the persistent feeling that we must be “In” love, but that’s where the fallacies begin. I am of the belief that we don’t ever truly leave love, only the person attached to it, it’s why I continue to love those that I did in the past. The only difference is found in that I no longer must act on it, because I am no longer attached to the person. So to be In Love, we act. To be On Love, spooky action at a distance.

Now, what should be respected is the more modern understanding of relationships. The personal acknowledgement that one does not need to be in a relationship in order to be successful at life. I believe that it’s an important idea to recognize, but can also be detrimental to possibilities in the future. And it is that thought, the possible damaging effect, that being On Love resonated with me so deeply. Even those who are lifers of not needing a relationship are open to falling in love, as they know they cannot predict the future, but if you could, how could it be falling in love? I digress. Instead, we sit on love, like dominating a younger sibling. We remain tangentially connected, at a single point, until some random force pushes us into the space-like environment of Love where we float.

We are always connected to Love, whether we know it or not. We are On Love until we fall In Love, orbiting possibility and impatiently waiting for the call back to a place that feels like home. The important thing to keep in mind is that we must love ourselves as well, otherwise re-entry will not occur. My time On Love has lead me in amazing directions, fear in hand so that I had something tangible to hold onto during my life. If you’re one that believes relationships aren’t for you, that commitment is tough or that love isn’t for you – you’ve already got all of those things right now so they ARE for you, they are with you, and are available if you want to explore further. If you don’t think you’ve ever been truly loved, learn to love yourself more, you are a beautiful person and are, you just don’t see it yet. If you don’t want it, you’re full of shit, but I love you all the same.

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