I caught myself again, looking at you from the corner of my eye
Not because you radiate, glow and embody a goodness I’ll never have
But to ask you a question, one I’ve been holding onto all this time.
I’ve always been drawn to your intelligence, your wit and magnetic charm
Gotten lost in the darkness, it’s the only retina display I’ve ever desired
Knowing I should speak up, the fright overwhelms my mind
Knew I should have said more before that moment – that damned moment.
Perhaps it was my life lesson to grab what is alive
The squiggling and squirming of playful banter, youthful fallacies of mine.
Resting on the hill in the sunshine, a tear rolled down my cheek
I couldn’t believe, didn’t want to accept, the universe felt out of reach
Here comes another, too much has happened, I’m not embracing for the crash
This time the bottom is my spirit, and there’s still the question I wish to ask.
Looking back my body swells with angst and anxiousness alike
My hand on yours, I know this is the beauty of my life
I’m not ready, nor have I ever been, I’m a wreck and probably a bore
You ask me, “What are you looking at?”
I wish I could say more but all I can mutter out are these three random words
Essence. Love. Matter.
A smile, a swift brush of the hair as you grip my hands ever so tight
I’m happy, filled with humility and the world has left my shoulders
I think I’m ready to finally ask but it means opening my eyes
So I recall the last thing you said to me before I swirl back into the night
“You never stop looking at me…”
It’s because looks matter, and I know I had it right.