I am Not Never, I Am

Drums pounding, reverberating through the caverns of my dark places, shaking the core of my Being. Drumming. Feet tapping, head bobbing, eyes closed and still I can feel, for the first time, I can feel. Cold outside as the phalanges fall, without breaking, fortitude and resiliency; I’m jealous. Thoughts swirl and swarm, flock and engulf, embrace and abruptly I am at peace. My head is down now, hands clasped and my palms are sweaty as I find myself nervous because the pounding outside has crept into a tunnel I’d closed off years ago. I’m hiding out in the open, crying without a tear, tearing at the fiber of myself and still, I know I am.

The falling temperatures warm my heart because I know that this cannot be, how could I find this music that has told me, You Are. For now I’ll shelve my concerns, my worries and my angst. I’m still sad and angry, but for now, I am not never.

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