To you, with love:
I’ve always had reservations about school, most of them increasing in weight as I’ve gotten older, because of what I feel will most likely occur. There is a consistent demand of conformity, an anxiousness involving abstract thought, and the marginalization of imagination. In other words, there is a shunning of even attempting to understand the why behind the what. Too often the professors are not professing, but lecturing.
These Institutions are subconsciously conditioning the individual to contain and “focus” so that an argument can be made when a discussion is the goal. They don’t ask, “what else is cool, unique or upsetting” in an effort examine the potentiality of a piece of work, instead telling the students to merely cover a “neat point” and argue about it. There is a desire for collective while sending the message that you are also supposed to explore your individuality.
I feel like it’s a social sorting machine, where cross-studies are allowed because it could and will distract from a “school of thought.” Too often preaching solution, which is the education equivalent of psychological reformation, perpetuating the utopian ideal that all can be solved with a bit of change. While this is what should be understood as “well-meaning”, it is the conditioning of an unrealistic belief that we can affect change, when it is actually change that affects us.
If things are always changing, why aren’t they teaching that –change is constantly occurring. Why is it it that the complete dismantling of a construct, be it tangible/material or conceptual, not be a realistic potentiality? It is being ingrained in the malleable minds of the youth that asking why is where the questions need to end, stopping well short of the more important question of why not?
I believe that is what’s happening, and why the questions end at why is that what usually follows is: let’s find out! The adventure of finding out is, and should be, at the core of the college experience. It’s why those deemed “conservative” fear higher learning. To break free of the overbearing nature that persists throughout society, and through your love of the known and unknown, we are able to find in ourselves the nuances that are the guidelines of whatever reality is. I cannot express enough how much it means to me, but that was just the idea I had of you. That was just the belief I had, and I was afraid to lose that utopian magic for a dystopian truth.
And that’s where I was wrong.
I am not disappointed, nor has my love for you changed. In fact, it’s grown. You are everything that I ever could have asked for, but I realize now that I was desiring those things of myself. I’m older now, and the idea that I fell in love with was that of my youth. You are not an idea and never have been. You are an experience that helps to define my world, that allowed me to grow through your expansive and warm embrace. It’s just that I have changed, and in that I see that I want you now more than ever. I was merely wrong because, now, I also love the idea of my Self. With you. After you. Now.
I Love You.