Another night and I find myself at the beach, sitting in the dark and listening to the waves crash onto the sand that washed away my feet. It’s a bit odd, staring into the darkness knowing full well that even with the light, it would remain an abyss I cannot see now. I have spent so much time like this, alone at night listening to voices of those that aren’t my own, staring yet again at the unchanged place next to me. There is contentment in the cold, peace in the noise and possibility with it all, but none of it fulfills me like holding another. I’ve avoided it, ducked and dodged regardless of the endlessness that rages inside. A bonfire of hope tucked deep in a cave, where stalactites poke and stalagmites prod, and the incessant dripping of time drops in a synchronous manner like seconds on a clock.
I wanted to focus. I wanted to succeed. I wanted to wait because I knew that given the right opportunity, I would be ready. I set up my plans and mapped out my road, I made my peace with the past and am certain that I am ready now. Everything was going as planned, but then I laughed. A smile, a moment, a glance, a warning, a hope and a chance. I let out the best of me because the rest is intense, I opened up carefully because the rest is an expanse. I don’t know if I was and perhaps that’s enough to stop, but even if I don’t get another opportunity, I love the one I got. Just another death.